Let’s Recover the Term “Marriage”

This article was first published in Spanish at Coalición por el evangelio and in French at TPSG. 

The encyclopedia Britannica gives the following definition of marriage: 

A legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any).

Notice that a secular dictionary acknowledges that marriage usually takes place between a man and a woman. Some may argue that Christians should adapt to the times and embrace a more modern definition. Yet many theologians have argued that when marriage comes to mean a binding contract between any two consensual adults, such a redefinition of marriage can lead to the legalization of polygamy and other aberrant practices.

Nothing New Under the Sun

The mention of polygamy should alert us to the fact that there is nothing new under the sun (Eccl 1:9). Throughout recorded history and throughout the history of redemption, humanity has deviated from God’s design for marriage. Beginning in the days of Lamech, the first polygamist in the Bible (Gn 4:23), when the Scriptures record stories that involve polygamy, they highlight what a disaster results from it. From Abraham’s taking Hagar as a concubine to Jacob's wedding sisters and from David marrying multiple women to his son Solomon taking 1000 wives and concubines, these accounts and countless others teach us the folly of departing from God’s intended path for marriage. 

Going Back to the Beginning

If we want to understand God’s blueprint for marriage, we must go back to the beginning. Genesis 1-2 together paint a portrait of the kind of union God desired for his image bearers. 

Genesis 1 paints with broad strokes, as we discover the manner in which God makes all things and calls them good. In this opening chapter of Scripture, God creates humanity in his image and gives them a common task: To be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and to subdue the earth and have dominion over every living thing (Gn 1:26-28). Theologians call this the Cultural Mandate. 

No Suitable Companion

Genesis 2 is in some ways a retelling of the creation account but with a focus on the creation of humanity. In this chapter, we read that everything God creates is good, except for one thing - man's solitude: “The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper like him.'” (Gn 2:18).

So, God brings all the animals before Adam in order that he may name them. Then the text adds, “But no suitable companion was found for the man.” This is comical if you think about it: God seems to parade all the animals before Adam in order that the man might recognize that none of them makes a suitable life partner for him. Not even that loyal, lovable golden retriever. :)

The reason is that none of these creatures bears the image of God. None corresponds to him. God, therefore, makes Adam take a deep nap, and when he wakes up, presents him with a wonderful surprise: Someone who, unlike the animals, is just like him! So great is his joy at the site of this beautiful woman, that he composes the first love song. 

Oneness in Marriage

God’s concluding commentary on the event, his epilogue on the crown of his creation, is this: 

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Can you think of anything more intimate than this one-flesh union? This oneness speaks of unity, not singularity - the man and woman who covenant together in marriage live in unity while retaining their personhood. That’s the beauty of unity in diversity. It characterizes the union of man and woman, and it also characterizes the unity in diversity of Christ’s bride, the Church. After all, such was the essence of Christ’s prayer in the Upper Room Discourse, “Let them be one, as we are one.” (Jn 17:22). 

Marriage: Pointing to a Greater Union

Paul picks up on the imagery of a bride in Ephesians 5, as he speaks of the mystery of Christ and his Church (v. 32), in both wives’ loving submission to their husbands and husbands’ sacrificial love of their wives. In fact, the entire passage and its instructions for husbands and wives make clear that the shadow is human marriage, and the substance is the heavenly one. For those of us called to matrimony, the way we live out our relationship with one another indicates to a watching world what’s to come. A greater marriage is coming, the Wedding Supper of the Lamb, one that will include every redeemed saint regardless of their marital status on earth. What a privilege to embody the gospel through our one-flesh unions!

Singleness: Pointing to Christ’s Sufficiency

But there’s more. Single believers, too, have a unique opportunity to point the world to Christ as they live pure and holy lives in the present age. As Sam Allberry puts it, “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.” In other words, singleness declares that the future reality of our eternal union to our Bridegroom is so certain and so good that we can embrace it, declaring to a world obsessed with sexual and romantic intimacy that these are not ultimate and that in Christ we possess what is.

Let us Shine!

So, how do we recover the term marriage? By fighting the culture wars? By going on the offensive on social media to confront those who don’t share our traditional definition of marriage? I propose a different approach. If we want our loved ones to cherish a biblical view of marriage, let our love for one another be so winsome that they long for the kind of marriages made possible by our union with Christ. In so doing, we will point them to the substance, the ultimate wedding day we all eagerly await.