Let's Aim for the Heart in the Modesty Discussion

(This article was originally published in French on the blog toutpoursagloire.com)

"Great. Here come more comments about the way we dress from the preacher..." noted a Christian friend who had grown up in a legalistic church. She had often heard the same speech from her pastor or other leaders in the church, in which girls were castigated while men were exonerated. She was still suffering the aftermath. And it got me thinking.

Modesty is important, and my sisters and I have a responsibility to dress decently for the good of our brothers. However, as I considered the subject of the Christian woman and her clothing, a few principles came to mind:

1. It makes us uncomfortable when a man who is neither our husband nor our father tells us how to dress. At best, we feel embarrassed, and at worst, we wonder what thoughts about us have gone through his mind. In our #MeToo culture, the Church should be careful about dealing with this delicate subject from the pulpit.

2. We need to be careful not to reprimand women for the lack of self-control in some men. Certainly, men find it difficult to keep their thoughts pure in church when they see girls dressed provocatively. But, just as they have to control themselves when they are at work or walking down the street, they also have to control their thoughts about their sisters in Christ.

3. On this subject, if these brothers consider women as sisters and co-heirs with Christ (Rom. 8:17), they should be able to see them with pure eyes. In the same spirit, a sister who loves her brothers in Christ will dress appropriately, not out of obligation or intimidation, but out of love for her co-laborers in God's service (1 Cor. 3:9).

4. The most appropriate person to speak to women about this subject is a more mature woman.

I would like to stress this last point: Pastors, call upon the mature women in your churches. They are there to support your ministries. Train them and lean on them. And in training, aim for the heart. "People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Sam. 16:7).

Rather than jumping to judgment, we should be asking what this inappropriately dressed woman could be going through that could be causing her to dress this way. Yes, some may be naive and not know that there are better ways to dress. But many of them may not see it because the problem runs deeper.

Let's be careful not to put a band-aid on a problem, treating the symptoms without tackling the root. It takes more time, patience and wisdom than just telling a girl to go home and change. It requires taking care of her soul, doing the necessary work to invest in her spiritual life. But that is what we are called to do as the family of God, isn't it?

Finally, sisters, tomorrow morning when we choose our outfits, we are free to choose something pretty, fashionable, and flattering. However, let our freedom not be a stumbling block for our brothers (1 Cor. 8:9). May we be governed, not by the desire to draw attention to ourselves, but by love for our brothers and for the glory of God. May the Lord help us all.