Spiritual Mothering and the Family of God

This article was first published in French at TPSG.  (Mother's Day in France is the last Sunday in May).

Mother’s Day can be a painful day for many women for a host of reason: they are single and their longing for motherhood remains unfulfilled; they are married but battle infertility; they’ve experienced miscarriage, infant loss, or the death of a child later in life; they’re estranged from their children or their children are not walking with the Lord; they live with the scars of abuse, neglect, abandonment, or bereavement of their mother. That the holiday falls on a Sunday means that many churches make it a focal point of the service, which can deepen the hurt. I’m told that some sisters prefer to stay home on this particular Sunday than endure the exclusion that further reminds them of their loss.

A Simple Greeting with a Profound Message

Yet recently I was meditating on a verse in Romans 16 that I thought might offer hope to those facing the prospect of another heart-wrenching Mother’s Day. It’s a verse that most of us have probably read many times, but few of us have taken notice of. After all, it falls in the final section of greetings which at first glance seem unimportant - a catalog of names only slightly more interesting than a genealogy to anyone but a Bible nerd!

Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; also his mother—and mine. (Ro 16:13). 

Who was Rufus and how did his mother become Paul’s surrogate mother? We know from Mark 15:21 that Rufus and Alexander were the sons of Simon of Cyrene, who helped Jesus carry his cross to Golgotha. In his book, “Jesus and the Eyewitnesses,” Richard Baukham explains that when the NT mentions someone by name, its purpose is to identify them as a dependable eyewitness, known to the recipients. Was Simon converted that very day, as he beheld the Saviour die? Had Mrs. Simon and their boys also been present, having taken the pilgrimage for the Passover to Jerusalem as well? The text doesn’t tell us. But the mention of Rufus and Alexander in Mark’s account of the passion of our Lord has led scholars to conclude that Simon, his wife, and his sons became disciples of Jesus. 

Paul’s Spiritual Mother

For Paul to mention Rufus and his mother, they must have been active in ministry and well-known to the saints in Rome. Employing a bit of sanctified imagination, we can picture the table fellowship Paul shared with them, in which this spiritual mother offered words of wisdom to Paul in his moments of discouragement. And we can then envision this sweet woman preparing sleeping quarters for the weary Apostle following a long journey strewn with physical, emotional, and spiritual hardships. Had Paul lost his own mother on the day his life took a U-turn and he went from respected Pharisee and persecutor of Christians to enemy no. 1 of the religious elites? The answer is unknown to us. But what we do know is that in the body of Christ, the Apostles found the tender love and care of a woman he came to call “mother.” 

Familial Affections as the Norm

Was Paul’s experience unique to him as an Apostle? I would argue that, on the contrary, he expected this kind of familial affection to permeate the lives of believers. Consider his instructions to his protégé in 1 Timothy 5:1-2:

Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.

Not only was that Paul’s expectation, but it was also that of our Lord Jesus:

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields because of my name will receive a hundred times more and will inherit eternal life. (Mt 19:29)

Family Ties that are Thicker than Blood

The wonder and beauty of union with Christ is that we have been adopted into a family, in which every member is a brother, a sister, a mother, a father, a son or daughter to us. No second cousins twice removed. No wicked stepmothers. We share family ties of the closest kind. How are we investing into that spiritual family? As we prepare for Mother’s Day this year, let us remember the example of Paul and his spiritual mother. May the Lord give us eyes to see the sons and daughters who long for the embrace of a spiritual mom or dad; the outstretched arms of spiritual mothers and fathers eager to welcome sons and daughters; and the open hands of brothers and sisters committed to walk together on our journey to the celestial city.