God Made Boys and Girls: Helping Children Understand the Gift of GenderBy Marty MachowskiA Book Review

This article was first published in French at TPSG.

Our generation is facing a crisis like that no previous one faced. Some say that the question of sexual identity threatens to rend the fabric of Western Civilization. At a macro level, this is disturbing enough. But on a micro level, the confusion we see our children experiencing can be devastating. 

A Tool for Parents of Children Ages 3-5

Gender identity is not a subject that we will be able to solve in one conversation with our sons and daughters. We will need to dialogue frequently about these questions as they pass through various developmental stages. If you have children ages 3-5, and you’re looking for a tool to help you start the conversation, this short book is exactly what you need. 

“If You Keep Playing with the Boys, You’re Going to Become a Boy.”

Far from being a sterile sex-education text, Machowski draws young listeners in by recounting a story. The protagonist, Maya, chooses to play football with the boys at recess rather than jump rope with the girls. This decision on her part attracts the ire of her classmate Lucas, who is upset because she’s faster than him. “If you keep playing with the boys, you’re going to become a boy!” Fortunately, their teacher, Mr. Ramirez, overhears the boy’s hurtful comment and decides that this is the opportune time to instruct his students on the gift of God in our gender differences.

Scripture and Science Teach Us About Gender

In simple, accessible terms, Machowski via Mr. Ramirez explains gender differences from both the Bible and science. He takes us back to the garden, where God made man and woman in his image (Ge 1:27). From the beginning, God chose for some to be male and others to be female. The teacher then explains that we can tell who a boy is and who a girl is by their blood, fingers, toes, and every cell of their bodies, thanks to tiny things called X and Y chromosomes. We don’t choose these, and neither do our parents. God alone decides our code. 

God Determine our Gender

Furthermore, he demonstrates that in his infinite wisdom, our Maker gave a wide variety of talents and abilities to both men and women. Some girls are gifted dancers, while others are excellent scientists. Some boys are fast runners, while others prefer to cook or draw. The author stresses that it is not what we do, what we enjoy, or what we think that makes us a boy or a girl. It is God himself who determines our gender. And our gender, he adds, is part of the identity God gave us as a gift, and God never makes mistakes.

The Fall and the Call of the Gospel

The fall, however, introduced sin and death into the world. This resulted in confusion on every level: body, mind, and heart. Ever since then, men and women, boys and girls want to follow their own way and not follow God’s. Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there. God sent his Son into the world as a human being in order to repair the brokenness brought about by sin. He showed us his love by dying on the cross for our sins, and in the gospel, he calls us to love those around us, even when we don’t agree with their choices. This includes those who are confused about their gender identity.

4 Lessons for Parents

1.     Recognize that Some Gender Confusion is Biological

The closing two pages of the book address parents and go into a bit more detail about the science behind gender dysphoria. The author explains in simple medical terms the different genetic anomalies that can lead to some of these pathologies. This is helpful for us to remember; not all gender confusion is a choice.

 

2.     Prepare Our Children for the World

I’ve heard it said that there are two types of parents: those who protect their children from the world, and those who prepare their children for the world. With God’s help, my husband and I endeavour to be the latter. Because, for as much as we want to shelter our precious little ones from the fallenness of this world, sooner or later they are going to encounter it in dramatic ways. If your kids haven’t met someone who struggles with their sexual identity, they will soon, whether it’s a relative, a neighbour, or a pair of mommies at school. Let’s be proactive in informing our children about gender from a Biblical worldview, rather than letting the culture lead in his respect. 

 

3.     Champion Love

We live in an age in which a slogan of the LGBTQ+ movement has become “Love is love.” In reaction to this, many Christians have displayed a lack of love toward members of this community. Many even use the word “abomination” to refer exclusively to homosexual sin, overlooking that other sins also labelled abominable include “haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, a false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers” (Pr 6:16-19). Let us not rank one sin above all others and as a result treat certain men and women made in God’s image as spiritual lepers. If Jesus dined with sinners and tax collectors, then so can we.

 

4.     Avoid Gender Stereotypes

Thirty years ago, this book probably wouldn’t have been necessary. Girls who liked to play football at recess were called tomboys, and this was not a pejorative term. But today, gender stereotypes inside and outside the church are simply harmful to our children. Because rather than accept them as less masculine or less feminine than their peers, society will tell our kids that if they fail to conform to certain cultural norms, they must be trans. A generation ago, many strong, assertive, athletic women like me might have been labelled in such a way. And the church has at times tended to add to this confusion when it tells girls they must wear dresses, play with dolls, and be quiet, gentle, and syrupy sweet. Or when it tells boys that they can’t enjoy playing with dolls or dancing, but rather that they must be tough, love sports and hunting, and be naturally outspoken and in charge. Where the Bible is silent, let us be so as well. Machowski puts it so well that I’d like to conclude with his words:

 

There is great diversity within God’s plan for men and women. We need to avoid the false gender stereotypes that are traditionally associated with what a boy does or what a girl does that can become a source of confusion for children who don’t “fit the mold.” Let’s be sure to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Th 5:11)… God gives boys and girls a diversity of gifts and talents. Let’s be careful to not tease, or make fun of children that don’t seem to fit into our idea of what a man or a woman are supposed to be.

 

You can find God Made Boys and Girls: Helping Children Understand the Gift of Gender by Marty Machowski here.